Late night thoughts because I couldn't sleep. Thought I would write them out, and maybe someone is experiencing the same thing.
Have you ever had those terrible thoughts about not waking up the next morning? Like what if this is your last sleep. Ever since COVID, I have had these feelings all too often. Tim is usually passed out before I can even get comfortable, and my mind begins to race, which definitely doesn't help the sleep. Every nightmare scenario running through your mind. I think COVID has brought the reality of how fragile life just is to the forefront. COVID doesn't care if you are young or old, if you have a degree or not, if you have kids or not. It can be deadly to anyone, and I have seen too many young people die to not take this seriously. But beyond that, it has made me realize all of the things I have yet to do, like travel or work in government or truly make a difference in the world. It also makes me scared of what life would be like for Zoey without me. I couldn't imagine not growing up with my mom.
I fear everyday that my life is passing me by, and instead of enjoying it, I am stuck in this mundane routine just doing what is expected of me. And if you know me at all, that is not what I do. I want to travel more; I want to experience life to the fullest. I want to be able to lay down at night and not worry about it being my final rest, but instead thinking about the awesome memories I have made and knowing that if it is my last sleep, I had an amazing last day. I am sure we all go through this period at some point in our life, and this might be my mid-life crisis, or it could be the Sagittarius in me. I just know that something in this mundane routine needs to change. I need to get out, to travel, to experience all there is to experience. I have lived through my books too long. It is time to write my own. Change can be scary, but it can be fun. I think we all deserve a chance to make life what we want it to be. Hopefully I can work towards doing just that for my own.
By the way, it has been awhile since I have been on here. So, hi, I am Kayla for all those who don't know me. I am 31, a mom, a wife and clearly someone with serious issues, haha. I am deciding that 2021 will be a year of living, not only for myself, but for everyone in my family. I want to make the most out of the short time we have on this planet. And what better time to start than now. Who is with me??
Catch ya later!
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