Shout-out to moms; I need some support.
So I am sure I am not the only one out there who looks in the mirror and is displeased by what she sees. I remember the days in high school when I was the cheerleader with one of the smallest skirts; I remember the pictures I posted on facebook when I was in college of me in a bathing suit after tanning in my backyard. Now just 3 years after graduating from college, I can barely take looking at myself in the mirror. None of my clothes fit right; I have curves where I have never had them before; I had to buy new bras and underwear. I hate it. I hate that when I finally became proud of my body (I faced many harsh criticisms growing up about being too skinny), I became fat and ugly.
Granted this isn’t how many people see me. And at a staggering 120lbs, I am far from fat. But this is how I see myself. I am no longer proud to wear a bathing suit or wear tight clothes. Hell, I can barely fit into my one pair of jeans that I now own. I look in my closet and see a bunch of small clothes that I remember wearing a short two years ago, and wish I could fit in them now.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. I was totally blindsided, especially considering I didn’t find out until I was 5 months along. After my first trip to the doctor I was hit with some crushing news. The whole time I was terrified it was going to be something with my heart (I had open heart surgery when I was 5 months old), but boy was I wrong. The doctor asked Tim and I to step in the next room after my sonogram; I thought maybe it was just to go over what they seen – how far along I was, the baby’s size, you know normal stuff. Instead he gave me really bad news. I was to leave there, pack a bag and head to the hospital to stay for a week. Why? Because I pretty much had zero cervix and the baby could fall out at any time, and considering I wasn’t far enough along for the baby to have much chance at survival, I had to be hospitalized. Well, I stayed in the hospital for a week with pretty much zero positive results, except my cervix lengthened when I was not standing up (a.k.a. the baby wasn’t pressing down on it).
You are probably wondering why I am telling you this. I went from a very active 22 year old – working out daily, going to work, eating healthy – to a pregnant 22 year old on bed rest. I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t go to work (had the luxury of working from home), I couldn’t even walk around when we went to the grocery store (I had to ride one of those scooter things). It was terrible – I was miserable. Tim wouldn’t even let me wash dishes because it could cause too much stress. I pretty much laid around all day, which as a person with a life-long heart condition is not good, because the physical activity is good. But besides my heart weakening, I was gaining more and more weight and no way to work it off. The day I was induced (I had to be because of my heart), was a great day. I had my little bundle of joy, Zoey Michelle without anything going wrong with my heart, and with her being a VERY VERY healthy baby.
With her second birthday quickly approaching I am now, more than ever, realizing I haven’t lost pretty much any of the weight I gained from being pregnant. I hate it. I have never had to lose weight before. My metabolism was always fast, and anything I ate just burned off. Well not now. I am calorie counting and trying to work out. But I can’t seem to make any time. I work a full time job (M-F) and I don’t get home most days until 5:30 or 6. Tim usually cooks supper when he gets home, so when I get home supper is ready. I sit down, eat, watch some TV and before I know it, it is time to go to sleep. I can’t seem to make time in my busy life to take care of myself. I try working out, but it is difficult when you have a munchkin running between your feet or jumping on your back. I can’t afford the time to go to the gym – I would never see my family. I can picture it now, get off at 5, pick up Zoey at daycare at 5:30, drop her off at home at 6, eat something, workout 7-8, get home, shower, go to bed at 9. I did not bring that child into this world to never see her. This work-life balance is a struggle, and I am struggling big time.
So moms out there, especially those with full-time jobs, please, give me some advice. Currently I am keeping my calories at or below 1300 (based on an app), I have cut down to drinking only one pepsi a day and I am trying to work out at least 3 times a week for 30-45 minutes. I am seeing the most trouble counting calories and keeping my pop consumption reigned in on the weekend – but I am trying! Am I on the right track? Please tell me yes!
It has been a while since I have written on here! Sorry about that!!!
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