just saying....

so.......

i'm not sure if you all have been watching the conventions this week and last, but i have and i have a huge bone to pick with both conventions.  firstly, i must say to the republicans - if you do not have the evangelical, catholic vote, i don't know what is wrong. you all preach and preach and preach, but what you are forgetting is that not everyone worships god, not everyone believes god exists, and not everyone worships the same god(s). when you endorse one religion (christianity), you are in turn leaving other religions out - and that is just not the american way to do things. also, based on the constitution it REALLY isn't the american way to do things. it seems republicans have forgot about that whole separation of church and state. i don't think anything is wrong with being religious and having your own beliefs, but when they do start to infringe on mine, and other voters, that is when i have a problem. throughout the RNC, religious rhetoric was spoken of constantly, and it has been used in several debates and discussions this election cycle. i think we get it - the american voters understand that the republican party is christian, and the values of the party is based on christian values. we get it, so you can stop hammering the bible and god in our faces. and trust me, this is not a blog only hating on the republican party. i was so happy when i heard that 'god' was not mentioned once in the democratic platform i posted it all over social media networks. i thought finally, my party is standing up for those who aren't christian and keeping the church and state separated. but to no avail the democratic party could not take the heat. so yesterday during the convention they motioned to amend the platform and add 'god' (and jerusalem) back in there. but the funny thing is, it didnt sound like the delegates wanted it back in there - but that wasnt going to fly - this is america isnt it (a christian nation)? wrong. america is not a christian nation. america does have the highest number of religious followers of all the developed nations, but the joy of america is that MANY religions exist here. there is a percentage of christians, jews, muslims, buddhists, and nonbelievers. this nation was not founded on christian principles. many of the founding fathers were not religious and they believed that religions were to be kept separate from the government. and that thought even made it into the constitution. this country is a melting pot of people and religions. i dont want a christian making religious law anymore than i want an atheist making a nonreligious law. religion should be a private matter - not one that graces the law books and forms policy. both parties really disappoint me on this matter. the republicans truly need to lay off the religious rhetoric and stop alienating those who arent christians. and if the democrats want to preach that everyone can worship their own god, then take religion out of the platform or speak of it in a way that does not specifically mention god.

anyway. sorry for that rant. i will link the video from the dnc below.

thanks for reading everyone :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cncbOEoQbOg (this is just a youtube video but if you are interested in the actual article, i think i read the story on CNN)

pro-choice vs anti-choice

At a time when abortion and rape is being discussed heavily on TV news stations, you would think someone would say something of some substance.  The best comment I have heard is “rape is rape.”  Yes, rape is rape.  Rape is rape whether it is ‘forcible’ or whether it occurs when the woman, OR MAN, is under some sort of sedative or date rape drug.  Rape is rape.  It marks the victim, and that victim will NEVER forget the traumatic experience of being violated in such a way.  But what happens when you add a child into that equation?  Sen. Akin and whoever else wants to say that pregnancy cannot occur from rape can pick up a book or go and speak to rape survivors and find out very quickly it can happen.  Just because every rape does not result in pregnancy does not mean it doesn’t happen.  So for a woman who was not only raped but did get pregnant, how is she supposed to be okay with bringing that man’s child into this world?  How in the world do you think she could look at that child daily?  Not only that, but is she to be a single mother – and how is she supposed to be able to request child support if she does not know who the attacker was?  Well, let me help all of you out there – keep abortion legal for rape and incest victims.  Why are you going to punish the victim by making them carry a child to term that they don’t want, that they cannot fully take care of, and that they cannot even look in the face?  If a woman feels that an abortion is the best thing to do in this situation, who is Senator Todd Akin to tell her she is wrong?  Along the same lines, who is anyone to tell a woman that an abortion is not the right thing to do? 

I heard a comment the other day that frankly pissed me off.  There was a man on some news station that said something along the line about “pro-abortionist” and that they were going to start chanting about it again, or something.  But the word stuck out to me like a sore thumb.  First off, I would say that I don’t know anyone who would consider themselves pro-abortion.  Granted, I think science’s development of safer abortions and the ability to have them is a great thing – but I would never say I was pro-abortion.  (And if that is the name ‘pro-choicers’ are going to be called then “pro-life” no longer exists; you will be known as ‘anti-choice.’  Because that is what this debate is about.)  The argument around abortion should be about having the choice to take the fetus out of your body before the pregnancy term is over.  No woman is going to have an abortion without all of the information, and no legitimate doctor will perform one without giving all of the necessary information.  The religious argument surrounding abortion should not even be discussed at a public level – that is a private decision.  If you think that having an abortion is murder, don’t have one.  Don’t tell me that I cannot make my own decision to have an abortion and don’t tell me I’m going to be religiously punished for it.  The religious debate needs to be taken out of abortion and the political scene altogether.  The right to an abortion has everything to do with choice, and any person who says that a woman cannot have an abortion is taking away her right to choose what she wants to do with something that is in her body.

Long story short, abortion is about choice.  It is about a decision a woman makes that has to do with her body.  The decision is made after consultations with her doctor and typically her boyfriend/husband/family/friends.  The last time I checked, a woman does not consult the government or her state senator to get an abortion – she asks those who would be affected by the decision.  So, Todd Akin and the rest of the GOP who thinks it is okay to speak so ignorantly about rape and abortion need to stop thinking that they can control women and their ability to make decisions for themselves.  Women are capable of putting together facts and statistics and considering their life to make a smart decision regarding abortion.  Abortion should not even be written into the law books – it should be about a decision made between a woman and her doctor – the federal government should have NO jurisdiction in a private hospital room.

I’m done.

non-religious voters: speak up or get ready for theocracy.

Calling all non-religious voters…Where are all the non-religious voters?  At a time when religion seems to be the driving factor in almost every single social issue, you would think someone speaking on behalf of the non-religious would speak up.  But they aren’t.  Not saying that the non-religious are quiet, they aren’t, but they don’t spout about their lack of religion.  What do I mean?  How many people arguing for pro-choice have on their poster “I’m an atheist, I support choice!”  You show me the sign, I will change my mind.  However, how often do you see the sign “God doesn’t support killing, be pro-life!”  The same goes for the issue of gay marriage, stem cell research, and not surprisingly the separation of church and state.  It seems that people who hold certain stances on issues because of a religious reason ONLY have it because of religion – yet, you see more often than not non-religious voters/people hold stances based on many different reasons.  (Granted I am over-simplifying a very complex topic, these observations are still relevant).  To someone who enjoys studying religion and does not practice any faith, it is striking to see how much religion currently influences the decisions and thoughts of everyday people and politicians/lawmakers; yet for some reason the lack of religion is rarely spoken of.

In all the data and polls I have ever saw, those identifying as non-religious make up about 14 to 16 percent of the population, but according to a recent Gallup poll, the non-religious make up about 30 percent of the registered voters (Gallup 7/2012).  Please contain your astonishment, because I was just as shocked that the number was that high; also forewarning the number may be that high because it might be exclusively looking at white voters – the report was unclear.  This measure of religion is based on the importance of religion in their daily lives and also religious attendance (Gallup 7/2012).  Gallup also linked the lack of religion with a few other demographics.  Accordingly, those who are non-religious tend to be younger, unmarried, and vote more prevalently for Obama (Gallup 7/2012).  (Please take a look at the data obtained in argument for what Gallup is proposing.)  I would even go as far to make the claim that geography has just as much of a pull on the effects of a voter’s religion or lack thereof.  I don’t think it is any big surprise to see a religious divide between the south and the northeast – that is pretty much common sense.  Those in the south, particularly in the ‘Bible Belt’, tend to vote more conservatively and Republican, but you could even argue that the area is more rural, traditional, and just plain older.  In states where there are more cities and that are more urban, you are much more likely to see young, college students, unmarried, and more liberal voters – that is just how it goes. 

HuffingtonPost looked at the most and least religious cities in May of this year and not surprisingly Salt Lake City, Utah was the most religious at an astounding 74 percent (surprised, I’m not?) (HuffingtonPost 5/2012).  To be honest, I thought Salt Lake City would be relatively higher than just a measly 74 percent, but whateves.  The cities were kind of all over the map, but some of the higher percentages were from the south, particularly in the ‘Bible Belt’.  Portland, Oregon was the least religious that Huffington mentioned, at 31,591 religious adherents to every 100,000 people (Huffington Post 5/2012).  And just to tie the two points together, according to the CNN election map, not surprisingly Romney has Utah, and Oregon seems to be voting Obama.  Also, minus North Carolina (who isn’t firmly Romney, but leaning) and Florida (toss up like always), the south is supporting Romney.  The northeast, with an exception for New Hampshire (which is a toss up ) is for the  most part supporting Obama (CNN).  So, I do think that geographical location should be a demographic variable used when looking at religion and voting for a specific party as well, because these non-religious voters are attracted to certain areas for a reason.  But, just as Gallup states at the end of this release, this religion divide is not new unique to Obama, but is typically visible where the non-religious vote does tend to sway more with the Democratic candidate (Gallup 7/2012).

Okay, so now we know where all of you non-religious voters are hiding, why are you, as a resource, not being tapped in to?  Why are there no programs set up to improve your life?  There are no private schools to encourage non-religious thinkers.  No well-known lobbyists vying for non-religious institutions or laws.  But you know what, that is testament (ironic word I know) to what non-religious believers stand for – or at least I think so.  Myself, being non-religious, believe that everyone should have an open opportunity not based on their religion.  A politician should not be judged based on their religion but their qualifications for the job at hand; their experience, their knowledge of other cultures, their defense knowledge – not their ability to say a good prayer or go to church every Sunday.  Accordingly, a child should not get a different education or one that does not display all of the facts and theories just because of some religious rhetoric.  Also, religion should not be the basis of the laws that go on the books in this country.  Even though according to Reuters, a poll showed last year around November, “that two-thirds of Americans  believe that it is important for a presidential candidate to have strong religious beliefs, even if those beliefs are different than their own” (Reuters).  However, you see the numbers sway a bit when you ask about a Muslim candidate or a Mormon candidate – solely based on their religion.  But here is the question, are people just confused about religion – I mean it seems that way to me.  They want a religious president and yet, in this country, we are constitutionally contracted to not produce religious laws.  But in reality, religion drives almost every single conservative argument, but the liberal argument rarely mentions religion – speaking social issues. 

I think it is about time for the non-religious voters to get just as much media hype as the religious ones.  I want to see some good, non-religious candidates that can run on issues without bringing up the stupid religion arguments.  Face it, not all of us believe that a god created us, not all of us believe that it is a ‘sin’ for same-sex marriage, some of us want to learn about all theories of creation not just the bible version, not all of us believe it is a ‘sin’ to use birth control and contraceptives, and for christ sake, not all of us believe that America is god’s country.  We are all Americans, and that is something we should unite over – we should not be divided by the one thing that differentiates us all from one another, religion.  Non-religious voters want jobs and a booming economy just like those who are religious, so stop shouting your morals and shoving useless bible quotes down our throats, we don’t care.  Politicians who have their religion taped to their forehead and cannot make a statement without quoting the bible is more than likely not going to get a non-religious voters vote.  Keep in mind, granted this news article is a little dated, but the non-religious percentage in the U.S. is growing, and already surpasses some of the most well-known religions and is quickly approaching Catholicism (USA Today).  I think it is about time to realize that the least recognized minority is quickly growing, and yet no politician is seemingly evolving to meet their needs.  It is time to stop ignoring the non-religious and bantering towards the radical religious right.  This is America where religion is supposed to be something we do behind closed doors not printed in the law-books, so how about we take the step and get it out of our decision making process before this country is turned into a theocracy.  

Gallup. 7/2012. http://pollingmatters.gallup.com/2012/07/religiosity-remains-huge-predictor-of.html

Huffington Post. 5/2012. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/18/most-and-least-religious-cities_n_1522644.html

CNN. Politics. 2012 Electoral Map. http://www.cnn.com/election/2012/ecalculator#?battleground

Reuters. 11/2011. http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/11/08/us-usa-campaign-religion-survey-idUSTRE7A748N20111108

USA Today. 9/2009. http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2009-09-22-no-religion_N.htm

drugged driving

I know you have heard all the stories of people being killed by drunk drivers.  You may know someone who has been killed or who was behind the wheel after drinking.  You may even have one of those 'breath-a-lizers' put into your car to make sure you are sober before driving the vehicle.  But I am interested in letting you know of the newest trend - drugged driving.  In all honesty, it is very similar to drunk driving, but it refers to being under the influence of drugs while operating a vehicle.

It has been within the past twenty-five years that there has been a concerted effort to stop drunk driving, so it only seems fit that a new prevalent cause would spring up (NIDA).  Drugged driving, much like drunk driving, is a huge public safety risk.  In both instances, one's motor skills, reaction time and judgement may be impaired (NIDA).  It is important to mention, though, that unlike alcohol, drugged driving is much harder to enforce because of the lack of technology.  Unlike alcohol being traceable with an easy test of a person's BAC (blood alcohol content), determining current drug levels are a little more difficult (NIDA).  Regardless of it being more difficult to trace and a little harder to notice, drugged driving is a growing problem on the road ways, and little, known steps have been made like they have for drunk driving.

I would like to just give you a few statistics so you can understand this problem - that isn't so much as growing, but is not talked about, at all.  Just so you know:

• In 2007, one in eight weekend, nighttime drivers tested positive for illicit drugs (Whitehouse) 
• According to NSDUH (National Survey on Drug Use and Health), 10.5 million people aged sixteen and older reported driving under the influence of illicit drugs during the year prior to being surveyed (NIDA)
• Rates were the highest in Rhode Island (7.8%) and Vermont (6.6%)
• Rates were the lowest in New Jersey (3.2%) and Iowa (2.9%) (SAMHSA)
• 34% of motor vehicle crash victims admitted to a Maryland trauma center tested positive for 'drugs only' and 9.9% tested positive for drugs and alcohol (NIDA)
• Drugs, other than alcohol, are involved in about 18% of motor vehicle driver deaths - usually in combination with alcohol (CDC)
• Two-thirds (66.2%) of drugged drivers drove under the influence of illicit drugs and alcohol at the same time (SAMHSA)
• Driving under the influence of an illicit drug or alcohol is associated with age 
• 16 or 17 year old: 6.3% drove under the influence of illicit drugs and/or alcohol whereas the rate went to 24.8% of ages 21 - 25
• The rates declined as the ages increased after 25 (NIDA)

Along with drunk driving statistics, youth seem to be the most apt to be drugged and driving.  The most common types of drugs abused while driving, for teens, are alcohol, illicit drugs - mainly marijuana, and prescription drugs (Whitehouse).  Teens, ultimately are the least experienced drivers as well, coupled with this increased chance of impaired driving - an accident is waiting to happen.  But there are a few states that have implemented some type of policy to help combat this overlooked issue.

Seventeen states, Rhode Island included, "have passed 'per se' laws in which it is illegal to operate a motor vehicle if there is any detectable level of a prohibited drug, or its metabolites, in the driver's blood" (NIDA).  Of the seventeen with these laws, according to NSDUH, only two of them are ranked with in the top ten of the highest rates of drugged driving whereas only four are within the bottom ten (SAMHSA).  It is important to note that forty-four states, plus DC, have implemented Drug Evaluation and Classification Programs meant to train police officials as 'Drug Recognition Experts' (NIDA).  So even though the amount of policy or drugged driving is low, there are steps being taken to lower the rates.

In case you were not aware, December is the National Drunk and Drugged Driving Prevention month.  The month is meant to celebrate life and keeping drugs and alcohol out from behind the wheel (US Dept of Justice).  Also, there are quite a few other programs meant to lower drunk and drugged driving.  it is important to diminish this issue - and the main way to do so is to inform.  Teens and parents need to be informed of the signs of drugged driving, drugs, and what potentially could happen if drugged and driving.  Adults, also, who are not parents should be informed as well.

You may not be driving the car, but you can just as easily be the victim.  Inform people of drugged driving and possibly save a life - it could be yours.  (Below are the responding links throughout the blog.  Please check them out!)

http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/drugged-driving. NIDA - National Institute on Drug Abuse. Published December 2010.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/ondcp/issues-content/drugged_driving_toolkit.pdf. White House. Office of National Drug Policy - Toolkit.

http://www.samhsa.gov/data/2k12/NSDUH109/SR109StateEstDrunkDrugDriving2012.htm. SAMHSA, NSDUH. Published May 31, 2012.

http://www.cdc.gov/Motorvehiclesafety/Impaired_Driving/index.html. CDC. October 4, 2011.

http://blogs.justice.gov/main/archives/489. The United States Department of Justice. Published December 22, 2009.

https://www.ncjrs.gov/impaireddriving/prevention.html. National Criminal Justice Reference Center.

http://digitalcommons.law.wne.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1144&context=facschol

life changer.

Have you ever wanted to change things... in a big way?  And I don't just mean with your own personal life, but like truly affect the lives of others.  Have you ever wanted to be part of something that could change the minds of millions, give hundreds of children food, provide a roof over every homeless person's head?  Have you ever wanted to inform the masses with information that no one else will give them?  A radio, tv, a newspaper - none of it informs any more.  But have you ever wanted to be the "news" substitute?  I do.  I want to write, and inform people in a way that other people don't think is effective - unbias, true news that is not focused on sensationalism, but just on informing the masses of the truth.  Granted there would be a few things that I would choose to write about, only because of tastes and preferences, but that doesn't mean I think that the potatoes in Idaho is less important than the politics in NC - it is just what I prefer.  Nonetheless, I have given this a lot of thought, and I think I will write one blog a week on here where I just tell new stories.  I will try not to insert opinion, and will try to remain as unbias as possible.  I want a news outlet where people can learn without having to watch the newest febreeze commercial or being hounded by pointless hate campaign ads.  I have been influenced by the new tv show Newsroom, but in all honesty, I have always wanted to write.  I had a goal of being a political journalist when I was just entering college, and that was kind of just swept under the rug, but this is my chance.  This is my chance to see if I can do it.  I will be trying to connect this blog to the youtube collab channel that I am on - hopefully I will be able to freelance on my daily vlog.  That way not only will you get a blog, but you will actually be watching my news feed as well.  I look forward to this project and maybe, hopefully, it can get me jumpstarted into a mini career in journalism. Please, tell your friends and stay tuned to see my first news blog/vlog next week.  Post this on every social media website you have, and ask people to follow my blog.  I would really appreciate it!  I want to change lives, and I think you have to start small to make something big happen and that is what I plan on doing.

Thank you in advance for your support!

Bring it on life.

Hi everyone!
Well, who wants to talk about some changes.  I do, I do!  So the past month has probably been the most hectic, life altering month in my entire life.  Actually, I am sure of that statement - it has been.  First off, I met a guy who has to be the biggest breath of fresh air ever.  He is absolutely wonderful; he makes me realize things about life that I have forgotten to realize.  He is one of the only people that I enjoy talking to, one of the few that can make me smile when I am in a horrible mood, and the only person who I have met recently to make me feel like I deserve the world.  He is literally the best.  But shortly after we began talking (or whatever you want to call it), I had an interview.  The interview was with a company that I had been looking into for a while now.  Well, I got the job - which meant that I would have to move, and in turn leave the guy back home.  I am not going to lie, I was ecstatic that I got the job and I was able to secure an apartment and everything, but leaving him was torture.  It is hard to make decisions in life that you need to make knowing that a piece of you will be unhappy about the decision.  I was not turning down this job, nor the opportunity to move out of that shit town that I am from.  But, it was hard to say goodbye to a place and people that I have known my entire life, and to say goodbye to him.  Granted, it really isn't goodbye - hell he, and the town, is only 2 hours away, but it doesn't make it any less hard.  I have had many changes in the past month - job wise, location wise, but also emotionally and mentally.  I have grew and changed as a person in the past month more than I have in probably the past five years.  It is nice having my own place, and knowing that I will be responsible for my bills and what not.  It is a little overwhelming, but I have been looking forward to this for as long as I can remember.  Change is a great thing - the one thing that I actually look forward to.  Without change, life is stagnant.  I don't want to feel stuck in the mud.  I am excited to see what life will be bringing me now with all of these changes going on.  I am excited to see if what happens was expected or something that I never thought would happen.  I anticipate that life will be giving a bunch of new surprises, and I am so excited for them.  But for now I am just going to keep living and see what happens.  I am excited for the unknown and the possibilities - so I say bring it on life, I am ready for you. :)

road trip!

So I have figured it out.  I have figured out the root of my problems when it comes to relationships.  I am not afraid of commitment or not being good enough for another person.  I am not afraid of fighting, arguing, or having issues with how we may raise our children.  I am not afraid of being cheated on nor am I scared that I will get into an abusive relationship.  My fear is much more basic than that.  I do not want to hurt the other person - whether it be in a decision I make, something I say, something I do not do, or just being too insensitive.  I am more scared of hurting the other person than ever being hurt.

Love and relationships are confusing subjects.  There are barriers and roadblocks to overcome, decisions at forks to be made, u-turns to be had, and citations to be given when laws aren't obeyed.  Yes, that was a lot of road/traffic comparisons, but think about it.  Love is a lot like driving a car.  You make the decision to get behind the wheel,  just like you make the decision to get into a relationship.  You make the decision of how careful you want to be, or how many risks you want to take.  But once you actually start driving, you don't only have to keep your own decisions in mind but other peoples as well - whether someone will pull out in front of you, whether they decide to brake-check, or weave across the center line.  All people involved must be considered, just like in a relationship.

I write to you today considering this topic of love and its similarities to driving because I am definitely in the car, and feel as if I am making the best and most appropriate choices for both parties involved.  But relationships are tricky, and have to be handled with care.  It is always important to remember that people have emotions and hearts, and a person's feelings must be considered with every decision - just like you would consider a passenger in your car when you are driving.  So what decision do I make?  Do I take the left or the right road at the fork?  Do I make a u-turn and go back.... HELL NO.  Do I want to take the risks necessary to make this road trip the best road trip ever?  I think so. 

just something trivial...

Tonight I was watching the new HBO show Girls, and I could not help but compare myself to Hannah.  Granted we are both extremely awkward and fine the most hideous (and guys) the absolute best - there was something else that I felt connected to.  I felt connected to her obvious passion for writing.  Too often I find my subjects/topics trivial and realize that no on would be slightly interested in hearing of my life events.  I write things that matter to me, trivial and meaningless to some, but hopefully life-changing for others.  In the episode, she was going to do an essay reading, and instead of reading the essay that had obvious meaning to her, she read one that she wrote on the bus to the location.  She decided not to read the one because her friend and her boyfriend the essay was 'trivial' and stupid.  A topic her boyfriend did not think was trivial though was divorce - but deep rooted intimacy issues mean nothing... okay?  (That was the topic of her first essay.)  Either way, I will satiate Adam *Hannah's boyfriend* and write about divorce - which, awkwardly enough, has turned into some deep rooted intimacy issues for me.  Enjoy.

Do you remember what life was like at 8 years old?  I was dancing/ballet and playing softball and co-ed basketball.  I was finally talking to people and being friends with someone other than my dog.  I was in love with one man, my father.  I sought comfort in my brother's bed because I had reoccuring nightmares.  I fought with my mom because she brushed my hair too hard, I was an electrician like my dad for career day, I refused to wear "girly clothes", and I was signing up for the baseball team next season.  To sum it up, I was an unsocial, tomboy who was terrified of life.  Oh yeah, and did I mention that I was experiencing a divorce?  I was forced to grow up when I found out my parents were separating.  Oh, was I devastated?!  My dad was everything.  I was angry, sad, and lonely.  My brother seemed okay and would never talk to me, my mom and dad were always having private discussions, and my best friend *my dog Sam* died.  I was alone.  Anyone not blind could tell it.  When I was not in my closet - weird place to seek comfort I know - I was in the woods.  The woods was my haven.  I stopped talking; I just pondered and cried.  Eventually I stopped.  My tears dried up, my mom got her own place, I started playing baseball, and the divorce papers were signed.  To be honest, divorce was not that bad.  Divorce saved my parents from a life they would have been miserable living.  Divorce saved my brother and me from the headaches from hearing the arguments.  Even though those still came.  It was the years after the divorce that was so hard.  My parents used to be so cordial, even some time after the divorce, but that stopped.  I was always the "middle man."  The child support payments were handed to me, the lunch money went to me, the requests for holidays, everything.  I was nine when the divorce was finalized, yet I felt much older.  By the time I was 12 I knew how to keep a check book, write checks, and file for a divorce.  But it wasn't growing up that made things difficult, I truly believe it was just because I was confused.

I was a ball on a tennis court - going back and forth, back and forth.  I was tired of being knocked around, yet it continued and still does to some extent today.  Welcome to my deep rooted intimacy issues.  Love equals issues, right?  Love equals fights, arguments and pain, right?  Love equals never being truly happy and always sacrificing... correct?  Well supposedly not, but love that isn't like that is not real right?  Hell, I don't know.  Divorce confused me but not because of the obvious reasons.  I get it - not everyone who works in the beginning works for eternity.  Love is not always easy and there will be problems/arguments.  But how much is too much?  How much brown grass can you look at before you listen to the old wise tale - grass is always greener on the other side?  Divorce created issues within me of not knowing how to say stop to the push and pull, and it has tested my ability to set limits on those that I love.  And in turn, scared the ability to love right out of me - maybe for forever or maybe just for now.  Hell who knows?  But I know divorce is not trivial - it is hard.  Hard to deal with, hard to decide on, and hard to admit it is the best decision for all parties involved - kids included!

Which brings me to my point - after that spiel - trivial means something different to everyone.  Trust your gut in your decisions, your passions and in love.  Your gut will not lie to you, it won't get jealous, and it will never hurt you - purposely or not.  In life we make tough decisions, we make easy ones, and sometimes others make them for us - but we will always have ultimate veto power.  Meaning, make your decisions in like knowing, almost always, they can be undone or the consequences can be fixed.  Pencils do have erasers after all, remember?  And don't be ashamed to your trivial bullshit - it isn't trivial to you if you took the time to write it, right?

Did you know Steve married Joe...

I realized that I have yet to write a blog about gay marriage, and considering I really don't want to jinx myself by talking about my recent good luck, I think I will focus on that tonight. This is the moment when most people say, "well I am not gay, personally, but I have no problem with it" or "of course I am against it, God says that it is wrong." Well luckily for all of my readers, I hold neither viewpoint. I will not write a disclaimer before saying that I am for gay rights, nor will I fall back on religion for supporting my feeling on gay marriage (and in both cases if you know me at all you will know I am straight by all of my horrible relationship issues and my lack of religion could be startling). I support gay marriage because I couldn't imagine walking ten steps, let alone a mile, in their shoes in this bigoted world.


Recently I had a few friends come out to me, and I could not be any more happier for them.  Granted the life they will live now will be so much more difficult because they are openly gay, but then again they will not have to live within their own prison - hating their life because they couldn't accept themselves. I could not imagine not being able to love freely, or being discriminated/hated because of who I held hands with or kissed or chose to lay in bed with at night. I did not choose to support gay marriage because of my friends who came out to me, nor did I choose because I am gay, I chose because it is the right thing to do. It is morally wrong to say that two people cannot marry because they are the same sex. I do not know one straight person that wants to be denied the right to marry their lover, so why do that to someone else? And the argument that I hate the most is that gay people cannot reproduce. Well damn you, a lot of people cannot reproduce. Some men shoot blanks, some women's eggs are not able to fully turn into a viable fetus, and some people just choose not to reproduce. What about those in the Church who are not reproducing - all of those able bodied, straight people who are CHOOSING not to reproduce and populate this earth. Reproduction is the worst argument to have against gay marriage, yet it is increasingly becoming a popular one to use.


I must say, living in North Carolina, where Amendment 1 was recently passed saying that the only accepted civil union in North Carolina was a marriage between a man and a woman, has been difficult for me. There have been numerous pastors who have spoken about the LGBT community as if they are some sort of second species, or inferior to straight people which could not be further from the truth.  The LGBT community are people who have feelings, needs, desires, dreams, and wishes, no different from the straight community. It is time people need to stop hating a section of people because they are different and learn to accept their differences. A person has the right to not like or not associate or talk to a person of the LGBT community, but by no means do you have the right to damn them, to make laws against them, or to discriminate on the sole reason that they are different.


In short, I think gay marriage should be legalized. Honestly, could you imagine what a boost in our economy that would be, all of the jobs that would be needed to throw a proper gay wedding?! (joke, haha) In all seriousness though, think about it. What right does any person have to say that one person cannot marry the person they truly love, regardless of race, creed, or sex? I know I have no right to tell Steve he cannot marry Joe, nor do I have any right to tell Lilly she cannot marry Rita. Put yourself in someone else's shoes...feel how they feel...love how they love. Imagine what it would be like to be in love with someone and know that marriage is not even an option, adoption is becoming more and more difficult, and that, hell who knows, you may even have trouble getting an apartment together or you could not be on each other's insurance, or you could not even be in the hospital room as your lover takes their last breath. If you think you should have all those options regardless of your race or sexuality, then stand up for the LGBT community.


Okay, so that was kind of an intense blog. Hope all is well with everyone and that you are remembering not to judge. Also, just food for thought is a quote I saw this morning: "Poison from the past looks you in the face every day." Don't hold on to the past; remember to keep moving and change is never a bad thing!

What would you do....

We are all very familiar with that annoying, catchy song thingy "what would you doo-ooo for a klondike bar?"  I am sure we have all hinted the melody at some point, or pondered what we would do for a klondike bar (or if you like me, and can't stand them.. substitute something else in it's place).  But honestly what would you do?  What would you be willing to do to get something that you wanted more than anything else in your life?  Granted this annoying little catchy song was meant to just sell klondike bars, but think about it.  Is this question not digging at something a little deeper?  Hinting on what you would be willing to do to achieve something you desire.  Some people desire klondike bars, where other people desire something a little different, but nonetheless, what would you do?


Of course, much like many of the other blog posts that I write, this one was inspired by a book I just read.  One of the main characters was left to choose between the man she loved and a promotion within the company she worked in.  She ultimately chose the guy because it was what she wanted.  She gave up her promotion and her job for something she desired. Would you be willing to do that?  Throw away something you worked so hard for, like your career, for something that you desired more?  I don't know if I can even answer my own question.  I could give you my normal answer to questions like these, and say it depends...but that is not the answer that even I want to give.  I definitely think a question like this is all about priority.  If klondike bars are very very important in your life, you would do a lot.  Just like the guy was very very important to her happiness, therefore she was willing to do a lot to make sure he was part of her life.  To me reading is very important, and I give up a lot of sleep to make sure that reading stays that way.


But, honestly, I want you all to think about this question.  What would you do for the one thing you desire the most?  Whatever it is you desire, you should want to achieve it, obtain it, make it not just a desire but a reality.  If love is what you desire, what would you be willing to get it?  If a career is what you desire, what would you do to get it?  If a klondike bar is what you desire, what you doooo-oooo? Think about it, seriously.  On that note, have a great night. :)

Keep Searching

My blog's name is ever-so-fitting for this blog entry.  I seem to be just searching...keep on searching I tell myself daily.  The life after post-graduation is starting to get to me.  I really want a job using my degree, and it is a whole lot harder to make that happen then I thought.  The funny thing is I have the grades, the experience, the flexibility...I just don't know what I am missing.  I didn't slack off in school and my resume shows that, yeah the job search is kicking my ass.  It is very disheartening, I am not going to lie.  Now I see why some people chose to go to graduate school/law school instead of going out into the job market.  For one of the first times in my life I am wishing I had tons of money so I could travel or do something fun in this down time before I start a career.  But instead I am back at East Coast Wings (granted, I am thankful they gave me my job back so I could save up money) waiting on chauvinistic men and rude ass women - I am so thankful for our sweet customers though!  I forgot how hard it was to plaster a smile on your face and be nice to people.  I just need to find something I enjoy doing.  I need a job that I will want to go to, one where I don't hate that I have to be there in an hour, or one where I am not counting down the days until my next day off.  I want to be happy with my profession, and that takes a lot of searching.  A lot.


And then I run into a different predicament.  Location.  I want to be out of the South for specific reasons - the fact I am liberal, these people stare at my black nails like I am the devil, I am not religious, and the fact my profession is more prevalent else where.  But leaving my home means I won't get to see family and I will be somewhat by myself in a new place.  I think for most people being alone would scare them, but I am ready.  I feel like it will be a good learning experience for me.  I am in the period of my life where I am trying to find myself, and hell, how much better of a time to find yourself then when you are alone in an unfamiliar place.  I will miss my family ten fold, which they don't seem to understand.  I have grown closer to my mom and my brother in the past 4 or 5 years then I ever thought was possible.  But if changing my location will get me a profession that I love, is it worth it?  I think so.  I think the location gives the profession perks to be honest.  Granted I wouldn't mind a place in like Greensboro or Raleigh doing research, which is still some distance from my family.  But ultimately, I think a completely new change in landscape would be fun, different, a learning experience, a change for me to grow and change.


Until I completely decide, I am going to keep searching.  Keep searching for the answers, the solution to my predicament, the right decision.  Any feedback would be lovely! :)


~The Girl Who Keeps Searching

Changes...

Well well well...
It has been a while since I have written a blog on here, but I felt that this was the most opportune moment to do so.  This past Saturday I graduated from High Point University where I was forced to say "see you later" to some great people.  Granted I was so glad to graduate and be done with school, seeing HPU in the rearview mirror was a little more difficult than I presumed.  I had to give some hugs to some of my great friends, but the hardest part was my inability to say goodbye to some people.


Throughout the past two years I have made some serious mistakes.  I have thrown some people under the bus and broke things off with people that I should never have - for other people.  I will never regret my choices, but I seriously wish, looking back now, that I would have never have done what I had.  In all hopes of fixing the relationship I once broke, I was halted by the person I hurt.  I hurt him too bad, and for selfish reasons.  I look back wondering how things would be now if I hadn't hurt him; if I hadn't been selfish.  But I cannot do that...I cannot look back and wonder how things would be different.  Things happened how they did.


As I sit here in my living room watching The Big Bang Theory I cannot help but think about him.  I miss his eyes, his touch, his smiles, his kisses and his hugs. Things were ALWAYS complicated between us.  We ALWAYS argued and we ALWAYS found a way to make things difficult.  But deep down inside, we knew we cared about one another.  He knew how to make me smile, how to piss me off, how to sweep me off my feet.  I knew how to work him up, how to make him laugh, and how to always make him give me one more kiss.  He is a great guy, and now I may never be able to kiss him one more time.  I hope he might read this and forgive me for the hurt that I caused.  I care about him more than he could ever imagine.


Changes.  Life events bring changes, right?  So why is this life event creating such an emotional change within me?  I wanted graduation to bring physical change: like a new job, a new house, a new state.  I did not want graduation to make me reflect on the hurt I have caused someone who means so much to me.  But what can you do?


For the guy this blog is about: I sincerely miss you and I apologize for hurting you.  One of these days I hope you forgive me. 

oh joy.

Well well well.....
This is a little rant that may have been blown out of proportion, but I feel it is VERY NECESSARY rant to have.  Here at my school, High Point University, we just recently have gotten the Women Gender Studies Minor and I am part of the department.  Well this month, since it was Herstory month, a few professors, students and myself decided to have different student activities throughout the month.  We took time out of our own schedules and busy lives to make this work, and we had 100% backing from the school.  The school agreed to provide us with huge advertisements for our male volunteers to pose next to - to bring awareness to the ridiculousness of female advertisements.  The school agreed to provide large poster boards for us to have topic boards where students could write their own feelings on certain matters, and then that would be followed up by a movie at the end of the week with a discussion.  Also, the school agreed that we could have sort of an outdoors event one day involving throwing balls, defining colors, and watching conversation habits.  BUT... the school backed out at the last second, leaving all of our work to mean absolutely nothing.  We don't have the financial capability to do any of our events now, and plus they all worked within one another - without one, there would be no need for the other.  I am and was highly pissed about the matter, and I wrote the higher-ups, ONLY to be offered a chat over coffee.  Here I am expressing my deepest disappointment about an issue, and I get offered to talk over coffee.  I don't want coffee, I want to do the events that we planned with the resources you PROMISED.


I am figuring most of you reading this don't know about High Point University.  But just to sum it up: the university cares about its BRAND, its NAME, its REPUTATION, GREEK life, CHARITY ORGANIZATIONS, and that is just about it.  If you cannot contribute to one of those, you are not important.  I really felt that this month was going to be great because of the information and the value that the students would get from the activities, but I guess this school just couldn't afford $165.  The resources is what the institution said is why they could not keep there promise and I am calling bullshit on that one.  Don't tell me an institution that has a $40,000 tuition and gets alumni to donate huge, meaningless statues, could not afford to print off some posters for $165.  That is horse shit and I know it, everyone does.  Either way, yet again women are being silenced.  I can almost guarantee people on this campus doesn't even know it is Women's Herstory Month, and the students who volunteered to help me and myself will NOT be able to inform either.  I always thought in college is when students and young people got their voice, but here we are only silenced.  There is no outlet on this campus, unless it is approved and what you say is structured to how the higher ups want it to be.  I am tired of censoring myself and trying to maintain this perceived harmony on this campus.  I will not be quiet any longer, and I will let people know the injustice and the oppression this campus is placing on its students.  I know some of you may feel I am over reacting, but I think I just haven't been reacting these past four years.  I am tired of not being able to stand outside on the promenade and not tell people I am pissed about the abortion legislation; I am tired of not being able to hang a poster unless it is in an approved frame with masking tape; I am tired of not being able to speak bad about HPU without some backlash.  So, to some this may be over reacting, but for me it has been a long time coming.    

International Women's Day.

Can I just say how proud I am to be a woman.  We have fought and fought and fought as a group of people, and we have been successful in some of our attempts.  We have yet to stop though.  We continue to have perseverance, and maintain hope that one of these days we will be equal.  I must say that I am so grateful of the women before me who have made a difference; who wished for a better future, a more just and equal future.  I am so thankful for women like Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Dole who have achieved positions within our government to fight for women.  I am so thankful for all of the women bloggers, news journalists, media heads who show no shame in arguing and fighting for what they believe in - they show courage everyday and speak out about injustices we all notice everyday.  I am so thankful for organizations like EMILY's List or Planned Parenthood that continue fighting to give women a voice and promote policies and people who do not stop at a "no."  But most importantly I am so thankful for women like my nanny and my mother who gave me MY voice.  These women showed me how important it is to speak and stand up for things that I felt strongly about.  These women have encouraged me to be the new face of strong women for future generations to look up to.  I want to be one of the women who are honored on a day like today.  I am thankful for all women who stand up, who speak out, and who live their lives the way they see fit.


Thank you and happy International Women's Day!

oh hey, i have a voice.

So I am here to rant, like my normal self... but this time it is about an important issue - the issue of VOICE.  In case you were unaware everyone has one, just rather they choose to use it or not seems to be the deciding factor in whether they are heard.  But hey, I have a voice.  Luckily for me it tends to be rather deep and loud - which is great, because it gets people to listen to me.  Also, I am not afraid to project.  I want to be heard, I want people to know I  have something to say.  I may not always have the most eloquent speeches or the most pronounced language - but I do have something to say.  I fear that too few women, and other minority groups do not use the voice they have.  Too many people fear the backlash and the ridicule they may get for speaking out.  Too many people fear not being accepted, and their differences being a negative instead of a positive.  I fear that this lack of willingness to step up and be loud will be the demise of women's rights/women's movement.  Women have a lot to stand up and shout about in this election cycle.  Our reproductive rights, and our intelligence in general is being questioned.  Why are so few women speaking out about that?  Why are so few women afraid to say that it isn't about the abortion - it is about the CHOICE.  This isn't a blog about abortion or what not, but I do feel they are intertwined.  I want women, and other minority groups, to know it is okay to speak out.  The people not in these minority groups typically are not educated on issues that are more predominant to the minority group - it is up to them to inform.  Don't be afraid to express your feelings or emotions or beliefs or facts.  Reclaim your voice, whether it be high or pitchy or deep or loud.  Reclaim it, love it, and use it.  For goodness sake, use it.

Change of Plans

Hey everyone!


So I have been recently blogging about issues that I have noticed or that have had some kind of personal attachment.  Well there will be a minor little change.  For one of my classes we have to get the word out about a certain issue and try to get more people aware of the issue - and the issue is directly related to women/gender issues.  Over the next week or so I am going to VLOG about some issues and try to get it honed down to one issue, and then I am going to use this channel and my YouTube channel to speak out about the issue.  So if you have any suggestions about what I should talk about, respond to this blog or wait for my YouTube posts.  I am putting my YouTube channel linked into this blog at the bottom!  I look forward to being able to inform :)


Thanks!


http://www.youtube.com/user/mkicaheylllae44?feature=mhee